苦し

Please grant me strength to continue, I cannot do anything without moral support... I already lose interest in what I used to do, I can't kill off my mood with playing games anymore, I feel tired most of the time even though I slept early at night... I have my own feelings, but what did I do to make me deserve these unwanted feelings? It's a miracle for me to endure until now, if my source were being cut, I don't think I can take it. Why am I being so down..? Am I that bad? Am I a person that hard to trust? Why always hurt me mentally and not physically? I'm not perfect but I'll try to do my best to keep up, is it wrong? My brain always thinking of something that can avoid all these, but I choose to hurt myself rather than other people. It's hard when you don't know what's going on around you, I'm being in the dark, with 1 hope... I do not know when I reach that hope, what's around me are still the same.. I feel isolated with other people, maybe because my interest is different, I can't fit into others I suppose. I'm sorry for being me, I have to say sorry to everyone including myself.. I'm sorry.

New Start!

Well, it's finally here... I'm gonna finish my course and get myself a diploma, and then a degree~ Just a beginning of my life, I sure hope I can concentrate and not play a fool anymore... It'll be sometime after I wrote another stuff here...

Here's a summary of my recent activities~ I went to my grandma's house and spent most of my time helping around and babysitting kids, it's not like I like it but it can't be helped when you're the eldest :/

And then I went to Genting Highlands, to relax~ Unfortunately, I still have to babysit 2 little kids and a teenager, the problem is more on the kid's side, their crying will drive people nuts, no kidding. Won a little bit of money, just to cover back the cost. Technically I'm just helping my grandma to win back her money she had lost. lol. Besides, I don't gamble~

Finally, there's today, long waited day. Comic Fiesta 2011, which is the 10th anniversary for the event, Malaysia's biggest ACG(anime, comic, games) event. The event is held for 2 days, and each day have more than 10 thousand visitors~ It's impressive all right, too bad I'm alone. It's kinda depressing y'know, over 10 thousand people and I'm standing there alone. Taking pictures and stuff, lol.

Guess I'll say goodbye to online stuffs for awhile.

1 step at a time eh?

Alright, alright... I think I crossed the line, let's take this slow and easy... I shouldn't even think something that is too far away... Now all I got is mess, I cared that's why I'm angry.. Why would I even bother if I don't care, Why would I ask if I don't want it... Well... That's just me...

I pray to God that this relationship can maintain, I don't wish for all the good things, but at least still in place... I stayed awake to watch until she sleeps, I'm tired of course.. But I'm more worried that she slept late... I asked her to exercise to stay healthy, but I think that's just her personal problem, I got no rights to force her... I think I've overdone, it's time for me to stop and observe once again...

Promises that are broken again and again only make me fed up, and I'm really sorry that I have gone too far... I'll keep watch from now... I'll watch my step and not to get too carried away...

很心痛~

过了那么长的时间，真的很辛苦。我是多么渴望我父母可以称赞我，可是我越长越大，就发现这个愿望是有点不可能实现的了。每当他们念我一句，我肯定会顶嘴，然后他们一定会翻旧帐，他们的每一句话，听了心真的好难受，眼泪就控制不了了。

从小到不久前，我还是有在尽我的本分吧。。。虽然我讨厌读书，可是我还是有去读，可能没有像别人那么多。我知道钱难赚，我也不是很喜欢浪费钱，现在我只是拿我做工的钱，去改改车而已。我并没有做什么犯法的事，我也没有对不起任何人，为何我一直被骂？

我不抽烟，不喝酒，也没去什么club之类的东西。我只是不喜欢读书而已，我想做我喜欢的事。我不想像别人酱，就只是会读书，为什么就一定要读书才是好孩子？？不读书就好像废物！？妖怪！？怪胎！？

从我出世到现在，我的父母几时有相信过我？说这个不可以，那个不可以~ 我讲的话，几乎都是错的。我根本就不喜欢跟别人比较，为何一口咬定我一定会妒忌别人薪水比我高？我只是想过一个普通人的生活，为什么我不能。。。为什么说我不能吃苦？我心灵上的苦，一点都比不过我身上的伤和痛！

我小时候是不是和天主许错了愿？说我什么都在中等，不好不坏就已经很好了？我到现在还是这样想，这样是对还是错？我已经不知道了。我恨我自己不能成为我父母的理想孩子，我也恨我父母一点都不了解我。也许当一些人看了以后，会觉得我很幼稚，也许吧，因为这些想法，从小以前就已经在我的脑中。

第一次用华语写！

觉得爽所以就一个心血来潮，用华语来打，是几麻烦一下的咯~ 最近真的是花钱花到乱，把我的小小车改得好看一点，就顺便也把引擎改一下咯~ 两千多块，心痛死了，不过我认为是值得的。

有了女朋友之后，我的心情是很糟糕一下的咯。有时很高兴，有时又很担心，怕说错话之类的。说真的，女孩子的心我伤不起，所以我会尽我的能力，来让她开心。我又不知道她在想什么，真的很担心她嫌我烦，说多话，又怕讲错话。矛盾到。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

凡事容忍，凡事包容，就能避免吵架。一生当中，难免会发生冲突，只要有一方肯道歉，就能大事化小，小事化无。在这世上，很难有一见钟情，所以就要珍惜这些对你好的人。人始终不是完美的，过了些时间，当然会看到对方的缺点及软弱。既然都已经选择了他/她，那就应该要接受，不要一点点小事而搞得鸡犬不宁，最后就分手，很可惜的叻~

我从不对自己做出的选择后悔，当然对女朋友的事也一样；我已经选了她，我就会接受她。我讲到的一定做到！~ :)

I'm beat...

Arrrrggghhhh~~~~~~~~~~~ I feel lazy la... =3= kenapa dengan I ni... Dah cakap nak berusaha, tapi malas pulak, kanasai betul~ Please make me feel a bit more motivated, I need to get some ideas before the event starts, + I feel like I didn't contribute anything, seriously... ~_~

My poor little kancil, yesterday accidentally crashed into a myvy, luckily the car wasn't damage... Maybe it's not the 1st time for me? I don't seemed to be scared at all unlike the 1st time == and it wasn't my fault either... Damn motorcycle trying to overtake and ended up crashing into me, that time I'm still a new driver dammit!

Focus Jin FOCUS!!

Don't worry be Happy!

Ahhhhhhhhhh~ Finally the stone in my heart was cleared, thanks to someone <3~ I went for J-off with Kenny yesterday, and that event was awesome~~ Well, it's just dragging youtube and sing with the vocals on, but seriously it's nice! But sucks to be me cause I have 8 am class tomorrow so I decided to went home early~

But then someone is troubled and I kinda picked the wrong time to play tricks on her, I'm so sorry m(_ _)m~ She told me what she's thinking and I told her about what do I think, and we made a little promise to each other~ Nobody is perfect, just remember that, but we can always try our best to be the best for each other right? =)

The moment you joined MMU be prepared to be dragged into the club!! <3

Birthday!

Today's the day I turned 20, old liao lo... I thank those who wished me Happy Birthday, but most importantly, I had a different gift this time~ Although it's not a physical gift, but I truly appreciate it~ :D That gift will always remain in my heart, lol~ <3

Don't worry 'bout it~

I never really slept yesterday~ == Dunno what's in my head, lol~ I never really bothered about how you perform in the game, I just wanna play with you~ and that's the best you can give~ :D so don't worry if you can't play well, practice makes perfect, I'll help out as much as I can~ :)

Well, I guess still to tell you why you're tsundere aren't I? I'll let you know by this evening/tonight~ :P

Tiring~

Ever since I joined the club~ My life from nothing changed to busy, pretty tiring too~ Managing 2 events and catch up with studies @_@ and giving advises too!! Lol~ But I'm glad they trust me with their secrets, I'll support your decision though~

Well, I started playing back SDO though, and since my laptop doesn't give problem like last time so why not play it? I did have another reason playing back too~ xD I just hope that I don't collapse or fall sick after the 10th week~

It's more worth to spend that 100 bucks on games than the recon bastard battery!! I feel so wasted on it!! It's freaking 120 bucks!! ARGH!! I'm gonna get back there and demand a refund or a change of battery! RAWR!~

Anyways if you're reading this, don't worry about me~ I'm fine just need some rest~ <3

Sleep!

I've been sleeping for 1 whole day~ o.o I feel lazy again, ahhhhhh what's wrong with me?? I slept till evening until my dad calls me to go play badminton with him cause he said that no people were playing... So, I decided to exercise after stopping for so long...

Surprisingly, I had a win streak! 4 wins 0 loses! Kinda surprised cause I've never touch my racket for so long and I won 4 times in a row! Must be the power of love~ :P and while I was playing, I see Pac-Man... Seriously wtf....

Sleep early~~ It's not like forcing you, but please do so for your own good~ >_< sorry if I upset you~ To tell if someone is angry/mad, it's easy, he/she will not use any emoticons~

YAHOO!!

I'm so happy that I could die from an heart attack right now!! She said yes to me! :DDD Wow this feels awesome~~~ I hope that nothing serious will happen soon, but then words can't really describe how I feel right now... <3<3 Lily~~~~~ xD

Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallow P2

Phew~ Talk about a long tiring day, today I went to visit my brother who's in IKBN~ It's kinda surprise to see him botak, and so tanned! I nearly can't recognize him, lolol~ Well, he's happy to see us visiting him~ Unlike me gone through every Sunday without my parents visiting me, it's not like I wanted to complain, but they can at least come see me once... Oh well, since it's over already then let's not bother it, shall we?

After done visit my brother, we went back home to prepare for cinema~ We're going to watch Harry Potter at AEON, so we reach there like 4pm+, I think..~ I watched the show half way and I got an unexpected mail from..... Even though it's amusing, but it pretty much affect my mood for the rest of the show already~ lol

Then, I went to MMU for the club meeting... I don't really call that a meeting, they basically screw around and make noise~ serious business 30%, bullshit 70%~ haha, it was amusing though~ Now that's conclude today's event~

If you said so...

I'm just trying to help~ If you said so, well there's no point of me keep helping ya~ You said you don't want her to suffer, then my advise to you is... Let go... == Seriously wtf, wanna be with her but don't wanna take action? What are you, coward or something? Zzz... IF that's your decision, I respect you~ Fine with me since it's not my business~

Yeah I'm sick of you~ :D

Well, I doubt that fella will ever gonna read this, but I'm gonna post it anyway~ Alright, I'm totally fed up about someone already~ Well, often broke her(Yeah it's a her) promise, always saying stuffs that was not suppose to say, and pretty "good" at reading atmosphere, seriously I'm not really happy~

I used to laugh and enjoy our conversation, but then you're the 1 that ruined that friendship~ There's no point apologizing right now, yes? What done is done, it cannot be undo~ So your impression to me is pretty much screwed, and I don't really wanna bother about it~

Few days ago you initiate a conversation but I was in a bad mood, never mind~ The next day, I ask you something and you obviously lied to me... For crying out loud, please think before you lie, that lie was so obvious until I was sick of you~ :D

Since you already have a boyfriend, so just be with him and be happy~ A friend is just a friend, and I don't want a friend that always break promises and telling lies~ Thank you~

Finally...

Well, I guess it's about time I've gain some courage to step out the 1st 1... I was afraid of the future, I guess... Now I guess I'll just have to struggle for my future, and the process is study, what a pain... Oh well, I hope I'll get motivated until then..

Um... I don't wanna disappoint people, so when I said something, I'll do it... I don't eat my words, when I said it, I do it~

I've decided to chase after a girl as well, I hope she can accept me... If you're reading this, please smile :D

Woots! long time no write =.=

Ok... this will be quite a headache to think what to write of... since I have the mood, why not write something~ I had a pretty messed up mind, probably special, but to others maybe I'm just a retard or idiot... Everyone's studying hard for getting a cert, but not me... I really have no intention of studying anymore, and what I get in return? "What are you going to do if you don't want to study?" That's the reply I get after I talked to all the people around me... That word doesn't fail me, and it gets my nerves EVERYTIME!!

I don't get it, do I seriously have to study to earn money? In my way of thinking, absolutely no... There's always a way to earn money, just whether you like it or not~ and people always said you'll get jealous if someone enter later than you and gets higher salary... Yeah like I care, they'll go into a coffin sooner or later(without the money they earn of course!).. I wanna enjoy my life, whether it's a tough 1 or easy 1... Sure I want knowledge, but not the dead knowledge or the common knowledge everyone has to study now...

What's the use of them anyway when you came out looking for job? Probably you'll just need 2 out of 10 subjects you have studied... I know my parents are concerned about me but I want to live my own life, and that's not study... I never regret of deciding anything, including this... and I meant by studying to get a cert... Why am I even bothered...? My thinking sure differ than others around my area...

Campur + Rojak!

I have no idea what to write about but just for fun writing + improving writing skills(i guess)... 1 of my friend have invited me to work at Genting Highland, the 1st thing that came on my mind was,"Great I've always wanted to work there", but then again, my parents are the 1 that decide whether I can't or can go...

I didn't expect them to let me go there easily, but finally I gathered all my courage and asked my mom, and surprisingly she agreed! Woo, then left my dad... I thought he will let me go for no problem but then surprisingly he forbids me... Saying that the house is not low on money and do not need me to earn much money to provide the house's supply...

Of course I knew that, but then he doesn't want me to go, and I have no choice but to follow... I'm terribly sorry to my friend... I would love to go but my dad don't let me, sorry :(

Ever since I've decided not to study, problem just keep poping out, people around me wants me to study to get a cert for finding a job in the future... What's the big deal about this cert? It can't earn money, or be eaten! Why's everyone want that so badly? I prefer to get a skill rather than a piece of paper that worth nothing...

And of course, my parents wouldn't allow me to go for technical school because they think is a waste of talent of studying... bullshit... I can decide how I wanna live right? Whether easy life or hard life, it's my decision... I won't die because I don't have a cert, but they do see me like I'm gonna die if I don't study...

That's it... That's all I'm gonna write now...

I think I've found myself a target to achieve~

Today in the middle of my sleep, I was thinking that I really had no intention of studying at all... But I can't ignore this study cause I don't even know I wanted to do... And guess what, suddenly I feel like I wanna be a story writer or a writer, at least... I wanna write stuffs(well maybe I'm not good), what inspired me was, there's so many great stories out there, so why can't I write 1 too?

I got excited while having that thought and I almost can't sleep! When I heard my mom was awake and I can't wait to tell her, but then she ruined my mood and everything... She said this might just be your short interest, like your guitar(yeah that's true)... But I didn't even try and she already putting rocks on my head... I'm gonna tell my dad how I felt about studying and writing stuffs...

Yes it maybe true that this is just a short interest just like others, but I'm willing to learn new things(except for studying, man this sucks!)... and I also have another target that is to learn how to earn money ONLINE!(I don't wanna sit in front of the PC, browsing facebook and rot!)

3rd 1..

Wow... Only in January and I already give advice on lovy lovy stuff has increased to 3 times, I don't expect this much cause I don't have any experience myself... Argh! I'm a problem solver? No way!! I can listen to problems but don't ask me like "What should I do?" these kind of questions, hey man, that's your problem not mine...

The decision is always clear already but still need some advice, like you already chosen A between A and B and you ask for opinion... If the opinion points to B you will still choose A, so why bother to ask for advice when you're sure already? Well, if you still have doubt you can always give up right? You can try again as long you're willing to get up...

Final piece of advise, which I saw on facebook... "If you can't decide which 1 to love, choose the 2nd 1... Because if your love towards the 1st 1 is firm, you won't even think about 2nd 1..."

You're Welcome~

Well, I doubt that you will ever find this post~ lol... But it's alright, I just help what I can to do for you, of course your boyfriend too... Since both of you already been together for 2 years, so I wouldn't want you 2 just break up just because of a little fight...

We, are human and we're not perfect, but sometimes we need to fight once in awhile to show that we care for each other... Fight aren't always bad but do remember to apologize after you have done fighting~ Try to be more understanding and this will make things a lot easier right?

Now I feel happy that I'm able to help, at least you 2 are in good terms already~ I wish you 2 all the best~ =)