5th & 6th of Febuary!

I've been waiting so long for that day to arrive, as I know both of us miss each other very much!~ As I was counting down, I couldn't wait to see her too ><". To be honest, I didn't slept well on Saturday(which is the 4th) night, thanks to my brother -_- so I had to stop half way during the way to Johor, to rest of course~

When I reach there is like 10am already I guess? I went to fetch her and ate breakfast, I already have mine earlier so I just watch her eat~ lol~ After that, we went around to see for reference books for her STPM~ I didn't mean to look tired, but after a long way of driving, that was energy consuming for my eyes, I'm sorry~ ><

We went to Danga Bay during the afternoon, it was a hot hot day and nobody was around o_o I guess we went at the wrong time~ lol. and what did we eat for lunch already? >< Ah yes, before we went into a mall, but I already forgotten what mall is it... Putra? My brain sucks =_=|| then we were trying how to hold our hands together, I felt happy when she's holding my hand xD (too bad my hand tends to get sweaty all the times, sorry ><) and we found out a nice arcade, which is quite updated too :D

After that, we went back to her house, it was kinda awkward for me to stay in, >< I try to be as polite as possible, of course they're not fake or anything, just trying to leave a good impression. She said I did a fine job, but still I think there's space for improvement~ It was our 1st date during the night, and thanks to some issues, we missed the movie~ I was a bit disappointed and glad at the same time~ Disappointed would be we missed the show, but that's not really the problem~ I'm glad because I get more time to look at her, taking a few stupid photos before we went back~ hahaha~

At her house, we don't have much stuff to do, we even played chess~ Well I was planning to teach her, but she's not in the mood, so oh well~ Spent a lot of time together, massaging her, hugging her~ and she even let me lean on her lap >///< (Felt so happy!)

We planned to wake up early for the next day, but because of me don't wanna bother her during her sleep + it's not so good to bother her mom, so I decided to let her sleep and watch some TV program~ When she woke up, she say that I didn't wake up her, I have my reasons not to do so, sorry ya~ >< then we went out to eat our breakfast, and buy her reference books~ I used my last RM50 on a pencil case, a bottle and 2 pile of papers~ and there goes my 50 voucher lol~ and since that day was Chinese Valentine's Day, we decided to buy each other chocolates~ even though it seemed simple, but it meant a lot to me :)

Then we went to a park near to her house, spend a lot of time together~ around 2 hours I guess, even though we didn't talk much, but I felt warm and happy~ Around evening, I kiss her goodbye and went home~ Even though she was expecting a hug from me, sorry I didn't notice~ ><

So, these are the summary of the happiest days of my life(currently of course lolol)~

Laopo~ I love you <3 (I'm looking forward to see you on June o) muuuack!~

苦し

Please grant me strength to continue, I cannot do anything without moral support... I already lose interest in what I used to do, I can't kill off my mood with playing games anymore, I feel tired most of the time even though I slept early at night... I have my own feelings, but what did I do to make me deserve these unwanted feelings? It's a miracle for me to endure until now, if my source were being cut, I don't think I can take it. Why am I being so down..? Am I that bad? Am I a person that hard to trust? Why always hurt me mentally and not physically? I'm not perfect but I'll try to do my best to keep up, is it wrong? My brain always thinking of something that can avoid all these, but I choose to hurt myself rather than other people. It's hard when you don't know what's going on around you, I'm being in the dark, with 1 hope... I do not know when I reach that hope, what's around me are still the same.. I feel isolated with other people, maybe because my interest is different, I can't fit into others I suppose. I'm sorry for being me, I have to say sorry to everyone including myself.. I'm sorry.

New Start!

Well, it's finally here... I'm gonna finish my course and get myself a diploma, and then a degree~ Just a beginning of my life, I sure hope I can concentrate and not play a fool anymore... It'll be sometime after I wrote another stuff here...

Here's a summary of my recent activities~ I went to my grandma's house and spent most of my time helping around and babysitting kids, it's not like I like it but it can't be helped when you're the eldest :/

And then I went to Genting Highlands, to relax~ Unfortunately, I still have to babysit 2 little kids and a teenager, the problem is more on the kid's side, their crying will drive people nuts, no kidding. Won a little bit of money, just to cover back the cost. Technically I'm just helping my grandma to win back her money she had lost. lol. Besides, I don't gamble~

Finally, there's today, long waited day. Comic Fiesta 2011, which is the 10th anniversary for the event, Malaysia's biggest ACG(anime, comic, games) event. The event is held for 2 days, and each day have more than 10 thousand visitors~ It's impressive all right, too bad I'm alone. It's kinda depressing y'know, over 10 thousand people and I'm standing there alone. Taking pictures and stuff, lol.

Guess I'll say goodbye to online stuffs for awhile.

1 step at a time eh?

Alright, alright... I think I crossed the line, let's take this slow and easy... I shouldn't even think something that is too far away... Now all I got is mess, I cared that's why I'm angry.. Why would I even bother if I don't care, Why would I ask if I don't want it... Well... That's just me...

I pray to God that this relationship can maintain, I don't wish for all the good things, but at least still in place... I stayed awake to watch until she sleeps, I'm tired of course.. But I'm more worried that she slept late... I asked her to exercise to stay healthy, but I think that's just her personal problem, I got no rights to force her... I think I've overdone, it's time for me to stop and observe once again...

Promises that are broken again and again only make me fed up, and I'm really sorry that I have gone too far... I'll keep watch from now... I'll watch my step and not to get too carried away...

很心痛~

过了那么长的时间，真的很辛苦。我是多么渴望我父母可以称赞我，可是我越长越大，就发现这个愿望是有点不可能实现的了。每当他们念我一句，我肯定会顶嘴，然后他们一定会翻旧帐，他们的每一句话，听了心真的好难受，眼泪就控制不了了。

从小到不久前，我还是有在尽我的本分吧。。。虽然我讨厌读书，可是我还是有去读，可能没有像别人那么多。我知道钱难赚，我也不是很喜欢浪费钱，现在我只是拿我做工的钱，去改改车而已。我并没有做什么犯法的事，我也没有对不起任何人，为何我一直被骂？

我不抽烟，不喝酒，也没去什么club之类的东西。我只是不喜欢读书而已，我想做我喜欢的事。我不想像别人酱，就只是会读书，为什么就一定要读书才是好孩子？？不读书就好像废物！？妖怪！？怪胎！？

从我出世到现在，我的父母几时有相信过我？说这个不可以，那个不可以~ 我讲的话，几乎都是错的。我根本就不喜欢跟别人比较，为何一口咬定我一定会妒忌别人薪水比我高？我只是想过一个普通人的生活，为什么我不能。。。为什么说我不能吃苦？我心灵上的苦，一点都比不过我身上的伤和痛！

我小时候是不是和天主许错了愿？说我什么都在中等，不好不坏就已经很好了？我到现在还是这样想，这样是对还是错？我已经不知道了。我恨我自己不能成为我父母的理想孩子，我也恨我父母一点都不了解我。也许当一些人看了以后，会觉得我很幼稚，也许吧，因为这些想法，从小以前就已经在我的脑中。